Dante Black's got the shit you need.

i suppose if her skin bag was hanging on somebody even remotely cool, she might be passable as not the ugliest bitch in the world. alas, as it stands, she is taking all of my precious air. you can’t be hot and be as dumb as this girl. you just can’t. you can’t wake up next to someone named “Kat” who has little leopard spots tattooed above their eye every day, unless you are a guy with a goatee made of flames tattooed on your chin. in which case i suppose you do think she is the hottest thing alive. but at that point you should both be buried alive.